I saw a movie last night…”the Other Sister” …nice movie. One thing that strikes me most was something which people would not even consider important in that movie. Here one girl was gay and her mother said that “yes I support gay people, I have given speeches on that but how can I accept that as you are my child”.
And yes this is what the normal mentality of the people. They have liberal thoughts about love marriages, dowry, live-in relationship, sexual orientation but when it comes to their own kid they just don’t want to accept that.
I am the elder child in my family…I know whatever you do it’s difficult to make others understand about your thoughts and to change their behavior and idea…Ufff a great pain.What we can do is to stand firm on our thoughts which we feel are right. I think a number of problems in our country can change if us…the younger generation put foot forward and just don’t like the ideas on FB page but also do it. We just need to be unorthodox not about religion but about society at large.
I have few ideas which when people will read will call me stupid.. I know they are different and difficult. But I’ll try my best to implement these in my life …
Simple Wedding : The first thing that came in parents mind (not all but many in this country) when a girl child is born is not whether she is healthy but they have to start saving for their daughter wedding. Now a day’s groom side doesn’t ask for dowry…they ask for lavish wedding. I must say I love weddings. Dance ,fun, great food but if we think about poor parents they are crushed in debt to make others happy which even after everything will complain about even the least significant thing that goes wrong. This is the time where bride-groom can think about their parents and say that we will not have a lavish wedding. It could be a simple wedding …that can follow with a reception if required for the celebration. This will definitely cut the price and the money that is wasted in this can be used for the future of the bride-groom only.
Idea of Adoption: Population… Everybody wants to have children…mostly two and it’s also good because it is scientifically proven that it’s healthy for children to have siblings. Then why to give birth to 2 children? Have one of your own and adopt the other. This way you will have a full family and also you are doing well for the society at large.
Child upbringing: We have to change the way Indian children are brought up. They have all the love of the world but Indian parents spoil their children by considering every demand of theirs. I am sorry I am not married and don’t have children so maybe I don’t understand parents passion for their children .But I am an elder sister and I love my little brother as my child only and I have seen many children around me so maybe I understand somewhat.
One thing that I love in western country that they teach their child to make their own money for their lavish expenditure. But in our country parents think that children should only study .this is wrong . They should be given financial education from an early age otherwise when they are adults they sometimes don’t realize how to earn or spend money in a proper way and end in debts.
My parents have always been very transparent in the financial condition with me and my brother. If we ever wanted anything my dad used to sit with me for hours asking me the reason why it’s necessary to buy that thing and its pros and cons both in terms of utility and financial wise. Because of this in an early age only I had in mind that how much our parents toil to give us good upbringing and in a way to control myself while buying out random things.
My always encourage me to say the truth even if its regarding something I have done terrible. They used to scold me if I did something bad repetitively and forgave me because I say the truth and by this they taught me to be courageous, open minded and forgiving.
Respect for woman / Sharing of labor at home: My dad always indulges me and my brother to do household work. We had Sunday off for my mother and we used to do all the cleaning stuff. He always says that when we have 4 pair of hands then why only one pair have to do all the work(my mother).This way we learn how to respect the woman at home .I have seen families around me where woman is brought as considering laxmi and then treated as a slave.
Woman love to do things for the home and family and all they want in return is love and respect and when they don’t get this …leads to a broken family … bad nurtured children …and all other bad stuff.And you cannot blame everything to woman because if you do not get love and respect you cannot give to others too.I always felt if you are happy then only you can make others happy.
This is considered to be a very small thing but this is one thing that leads to ill respect of woman in whole society. If you don’t respect your mother and consider her as a person whose job is to give you food and do your laundry… you can never respect any other woman. All those children who have seen their mom get treated like this in their family; they consider their wives to be the same.They think that one day one girl will come in their life with lots of money and will cook them food and do their laundry.And the irony is this that the same mother who has been treated badly as a wife … wants her daughter in law to be treated in the same way.
So if people think that only men are wrong so in deep core it may be true but it is also a truth that women seek revenge. They want to do the same bad things to others that happen to them. As they gave dowry they demand it. As they are not treated properly by their husband they want their son to do the same to their daughter in law.
People are right we cannot change the mind set of elders but as youngsters we can make a change in ourselves.Girls should take oath that they will not marry a guy who asks for dowry or big weddings. Men should come forward to marry a girl with these liberal thoughts. We should explain to our parents the reason of this demand. I know its tough because they have this all-time favorite dialogue…”What will people say”.
If we want a change, laws cannot change everything. We all have to fight against “what people will say” syndrome.